Simple, powerful and effective words. Here you will find neither “thanks” nor “patience”, although they are also very important. Our post is just a reminder that we make mistakes and we already know how it feels.
While working at school, I promised myself not to raise my voice at the students or anyone at all. Children, especially younger ones, react to intonation more than to the content of speech. How to take their attention without raised tones?
The only solution that acts more efficiently than screaming (even if they are of the best intentions) is when you lean towards your child’s ear, having established eye contact, and start talking - very quietly. This requires high composure from parents. But gives amazing results.
Because to say the traditional "no" - as if to remove the baby from the fuse. The ban "in the forehead" can provoke hysterics, especially if the child who hears "no" is hungry or just tired. Alternatively, we offer “maybe” - at least that's fair. This is better than adding fuel to the fire with the help of endless "NO". If the children ask: “Will we go to the park now?”, I calmly inform you: “Maybe.” And I add: "If you remove all the toys on the shelves and quickly put on." It helps motivate guys to behave accordingly. And then everything is simple: if they collect the toys, get dressed, we do to the park, otherwise we do not go. It is important that adults themselves fulfill their own promises. The words "We'll see" and "a little later" act just as effectively.
Adults are wrong too. What to do? We are not gods. We are ready to apologize to relatives, friends, colleagues. And our children need that courtesy no less than adults. It simulates respect for others. Children really need to see just such communication - a good model sets the format of behavior in the future, and also helps to understand that no one in this world is perfect, which, in general, is true.
A signal that stops the child, interrupts his actions that we want to stop, and tells what to do instead. If children run around the apartment, it’s enough to say “Stop!” And give the activity: “Sit at the table and make a puzzle / build a block” “Stop, the game!” acts on everyone without exception under any circumstances: all actions stop (if they do not follow the rules, it becomes dangerous, unpleasant, too noisy). The main thing is not to abuse this powerful tool, otherwise it will cease to be effective.
We all listen more carefully while looking into the eyes of the speaker. When I want to be sure that the kids really listen and hear me, I ask: "Where are the eyes?" And as soon as children's eyes are riveted on you, you have children's attention.
If our child makes a mistake, the phrase “It's okay, no big deal - we all learn!” comes to the rescue. It is also useful for protection from sidelong glances, from people who look at us with children in a condemning manner. In the end, we all learn, including those who criticize us with a look.
Remind this child when he doubts his abilities. Failure is only a signal that the child will achieve the desired result if he makes a little more effort, he will make progress. Tell the children that you know they can. And be sure to open the secret: much of what you yourself are doing with ease today, once demanded so much effort from you.
When children ask questions, give them your eyes and attention. When kids talk about something, listen. Be with your child. It means so much to a little man. Somehow, on the way home from kindergarten, my three-year-old son, asking a hundred and first questions, I realized that I automatically answered “yes-no” (strength after a working day is running out), but I still wanted to support the conversation. In the end, I heard the insistence: “Well, mother, speak! You do not speak! "Children immediately feel how immersed we are in talking with them.
No wonder where children are always noisy and restless! Tantrums happen, sweets are removed away, entertainment is canceled. But some things remain inviolable. And our love for children is one of them. It is very important to tell them about it. Especially in those days, once something went wrong, feelings are exhausted, and the forces are running out. This is part of an evening bedtime ritual. I embrace my son and tell him: "Mom loves you very much and will always love you, no matter what happens." It is very important for children to know and hear that our love for them is unconditional and unconditional. Permanent, imperishable, eternal!
Many things that annoy us as parents would most likely cease to do so if we could just laugh at them. A good laugh is a great reset button, if you want a switch.
The truth is that these 10 words help not only parents, and also make them stronger. So join the parent lexicon.
Courtesy of Becky Gaylord.